Wore: Streaky!

With a lot of my clothes looking pretty similar, it becomes an extra challenge to try styling them differently.  So I decided to see if wearing some of my sleeveless dresses over a shirt would work for me.  I think this one is pretty much a win.  At least a tie.  LOL

Dress & leggings: New Look
Shoes: Hot Chocolate Design
Shirt: Torrid

Unfortunately, this is the only usable shot I was able to get because the mirror had a HUGE streak going down it that I didn't see until it was too late.  You can see it coming down from between my chin(s) and the phone over my boobages.  Also, my tummy is quite bloated here because I said fuck it and had wheat the night before.  It makes me sick every time and I feel hungover the next day but sometimes it's just worth it!  (mmm... pizza...)  I'm just glad it's a sensitivity and not an allergy or Celiacs (as far as has been determined, anyway)..

Oh!  And I finally got my hair cut and recolored it.  I ended up seeing a new guy because the girl I was seeing left.  When I say new, I mean NEW.  He'd only been there for 5 months and this is his first haircutting gig.  He had mentioned that he was a soldier then a welder before this so I asked him why he made that career change.  He was very honest: "Women in yoga pants."  LOL  He's also a single dad with an 8 year old girl so he figured this would be a good way to learn "girlie shit" before she's old enough to start asking about hair and makeup.  He was crass, rude, and FUNNY!  He did a good job on my hair, too, so I'll probably see him next time. :)

Here are a few random pics of necklaces that I've worn over the past weeks.  The outfits were all posted previously.

I paired Frankie's Bride with a brain. :)
Bride of Frankie: Cats Like Us
Brain: Wish

Mermaid Skeleton: Wish
They came as a pair and I added one to a black cord.  I'm not sure what I am going to do with her mate, though.

Bacon necklace: gift from Andy

Shared: Choker? But I hardly even know 'er

Now that October is FINALLY here, I feel more comfortable wearing some of my larger spooky pieces of jewelry to work.  I'm sure I'll eventually get over that like I did with the prints.  I really love this time of year but it's nowhere near the same feeling as it was when I lived in Minnesota.  It's still not cold here and I even have a new coat to wear when the air does get chilly so I'm trying to be patient.  But at least I can wear my more Halloweeny stuff with fewer weird looks.  Not that I mind the weird looks, of course.

Necklace: Wish

Since I don't like to wear actual chokers, I call this necklace "one of my chokers."  I'm sure you can guess why. :)

I have a white plastic one, too, but it's a lot more costume-y so I usually wait until closer to Halloween to sport that one.  The problem with both of them, though, is the hands move as I do so I am constantly having to fix them to get them to lay right.  Oh, the pain of beauty!  ;)

Speaking of "beauty," see how tired my eyes look?  I took this before I was able to see the orthopedist and was so sleep deprived because of the pain.  (My knee is MUCH better now, btw.  Yay!)  Mutant Stomp Friends posted a great tutorial for how to cover that with makeup but time is just not my friend in the morning.  Plus, I think the dark bags go well with my outfits.  LOL

In other news, I bought some skeleton cameos and settings for them off Wish recently and was able to make 10 necklaces for $1.50 a piece including the black cord.  I still have 2 settings left over as well. :)

Cameos and settings both from Wish

I've decided that I am going to keep 4-5 of them and give the rest away.  I know the skeleton cameo is kind of overdone but I still like it. :)  I like the different colors that these came in which kind of makes them a little fresh again.  For me, at least. So you'll probably start seeing these in upcoming outfit posts.

Does your everyday wardrobe change much in October?

Shared: Wedding - Our Rings

We finally got our wedding rings!!!  Yay!!!  I am especially excited because they took 8 weeks to get here from the time we ordered them, but that's because they were custom made from Brent & Jess.  And they turned out better than I had imagined!

Puffy fingers are puffy!

My ring is on the left.  It has his fingerprint to the left of the heart and mine on the right.  His ring has my fingerprint, too, but it's hidden.

I ended up stumbling across the perfect trinket box on Amazon for us to use to hold our rings during the ceremony, too!

He loves steampunk things and I love anatomical things plus we both have a thing for decorative boxes so this worked out to be a perfect blend.  Kind of like us.  (Awwwww....!!!)

I stuck a piece of fake black fur inside just to keep the rings from clanging around.

The fur is actually from a purse that I accidentally ordered from Wish.  I have no idea how it ended up in my cart ; thankfully it was just a $2 mistake.  But I'm glad I held on to it because I was able to put it good use in the end. :)

After we get married, I am going to retire the ring I always wear on my right ring finger and move the engagement ring over to that hand.

Wore: She Wore Black Velvet

When I was a little girl, I always wanted a red velvet dress with a big puffy white bottom to wear for the holidays.  Mom, of course, always nixed the idea because we had cats and dogs and the upkeep for velvet clothing was a bugger.

Source

There have been a number of times in my adult years where I have talked myself out velvety goodness because 1) they'd be too warm, 2) I have cats, 3) the exceeded a price my frugal nature was comfortable with.

Then, one day in my online window shopping travels, I came across a black velvet dress that was in my size, had short sleeves, AND was on super sale.  It took me a few months to get up the courage to wear it after I got it because I was scared of attracting lint plus I had no idea how warm it might actually be.

Oh, no!!! I lost an arm!!!
Dress: Hot Topic online
Leggings: New Look

It's not the most flattering cut on me and doesn't drape as well as other fabrics I wear but I still felt decadent.  :)  I was also worried that the back would be too revealing but it worked out okay.  I just had to make sure my bra straps were pushed down my shoulders slightly.

Oh, the scandal of bare back skin! ;-)

I didn't know when I ordered the dress, though, that it had a wonderful subtle design!

One of the reasons I decided to buck up and wear the dress is because I got a new pair of shoes from Hot Chocolate Design that also have a velvety finish.

You can really see the way my feet curve in this pic!

I really had to think hard about these shoes.  I love the overall design and the silhouette on the left shoe.  And bow makes my inner 3-year-old princess swoon.   But I was worried that the cross would be sacrilegious or offensive to Christians in some way, especially since I am not Christian myself.   I am still a little iffy on that so would love to hear feedback in that regard.  As a Pagan, I don't get offended by non-Pagans wearing pentagrams, etc. based on the design aesthetics so I'd like to think it's the same in the opposite direction?

Anyway, I also decided to dig out one of my retired necklaces to wear with this.  I can't get a good pic of it, unfortunately, because of how shiny it is.

Necklace: Cute and Creepy Inc
Unfortunately, she no longer makes necklaces :(

The image looks like a Victorian death photo that's been doctored to look like a vampire.  I don't wear it very often because the back leaves a big green square on my skin, even after sealing it with clear nail polish, but sometimes it's just worth it. :)

Thought: Body Image and Rudeness

Have you ever had one of those days where you wake up feeling good?  And your outfit works out as well as your hair, make up, etc. so you leave the house feeling like you can conquer the world?  Then one person says something stupid and it all comes crashing down?

Another foray into prints!
Batty bat leggings: Hot Topic
Dress: SWAK Designs
Shoes: Hot Chocolate Designs
Bag: Amazon

That happened to me at work last week.  I was at a networking event and on my way out, some girl I've never seen before came up to me and said, "Hi!  Excuse me but have you ever considered gastric bypass surgery?"

Now, this is actually not the first time this has happened to me AT WORK so I actually had a response prepared.

"Have you ever considered having plastic surgery?"

Her response was an offended "Um, no!"

So I said "Oh, I'm sorry.  I thought we were playing a game of Rude Questions Asked to Strangers."

And I walked away.

I know some people think they are being helpful by asking such a rude question but that's just not something you should say to someone you don't know.  And it's happened to me a total of 3 times at work by strangers as well as twice by people I did know at work.  Not well enough for such a personal question, mind you.  It's also happened to me once outside of work by a stranger and once by my ex-sister-in-law just out of the blue when we were talking about something not-weight-related.  My response to her was "First, fuck you.  Second, fuck you.  And three, fuck you in the ear with your rudeness."  I can't shouldn't say that to people at work, of course.

The rudeness aside, that question makes me feel bad about myself because, in my head, I'm so large that strangers feel the need to fix me.  So I work to put a different perspective on it and concentrate more on the audacity of others and less on myself.

Since leaving high school, the only time I've ever felt bad about my weight is when I let other people make me think I should feel bad about it.  And the silliest part of that is there is only one 3-letter word that will ever bring me to tears when it comes to my body image:  moo.  Yep, moo at me like I'm a cow and it will make me cry.  Call me fat or anything else, I deal with it.  I *am* fat.  But the issues that I have with my body at my current size are the same issues I had with my body when I was younger: my large upper arms, my large thighs, my misshapen legs and feet.

But I am not unhappy in my skin.  My body and my shape do not define who I am as a person nor do they dictate what sort of person I am.

At one point in my life, I did look into gastric bypass surgery just see what it was all about.  I found out pretty quickly that even if I was interested, I would not be a candidate because of my eating disorder.  My binge eating is something that I am extremely embarrassed about and something I rarely tell people about.  I have it more or less under control most of the time and there are days where I tell Andy "I've had a bad day and I want to binge.  So I am going to.  This is what I am going to eat.  Then I will be done."  I allow it to happen but I try to take control of it.  That has helped a lot and kept me from being twice the size I am.

A few years ago, there used to be an adult-only camping event that was clothing optional and sexually free. While I am considered the modest prude in my group of friends, I used to go every year and would force myself to do things outside my comfort zone. The first year, I went topless. In front of people. It was terrifying yet freeing at the same time. The next year, I took part in a group shower. The next year, the naked slip and slide (so much fun!).  It was nothing to be walking from one area to the next and hearing/seeing all sorts of devious acts but that's not why I went. I wanted to be more comfortable with me and this was a safe space to push my own limits.

How's this for a brave picture to post on the internet?  LOL
This was also at my absolute heaviest I've ever been.
At the adult-only camping event, I was wrapped to a tree with cellophane then
accosted with water guns and super soakers until I was able to get free. :)

One of the things that helped is most of the women who went were plus sized and very few of the men were slim as well.  If anyone said anything derogatory about someone else's appearance, they were put in their place by anyone else who heard them. You don't like the way the sun shines off someone's glaring white ass? Then look at something else.

I found myself being approached by other women at the event, especially women closer to my size, and complimented for my confidence which completely surprised me.  I don't consider myself a confident person at all.  I just force my limits so I can experience as much of life as possible.

That's actually one of the reasons I post outfits each week. I know my fashion sense is nothing remarkable but my outfits make me feel cute and I force myself outside that comfort zone for strangers to see.

I think I'm at a rave in my head here.
That happens more often than you'd think. :)

Since I've started dressing the way I want to, I'm finding that I get way more compliments from strangers than I would have ever dreamed. And every time it happens, I blissfully blush and say "Thank you! " Compliments used to be very hard to take but someone I once dated made me realize that I was insulting the compliment giver whenever I'd point out why I felt their words were not right.

"You look really nice today, Sarrah!"
"No... this dress it way to tight across my hips."
"Oh. So you think I'm a liar?"

Point taken.

And since strangers have little to gain by giving kind words, I feel validated for having my outside match my inside. Well, that's not literally true, obviously, because I don't wear meat, blood and bones in public. Usually.  Lol

So, to sum up, the "gastric bypass girl" can go suck it because I am awesome. :)

Shared: Sarrahs That Say "Knee!"

I have finally seen the orthopedist and it didn't go quite as I had thought it would.  He confirmed the torn meniscus and the torn ACL but said there's not much he can do about either.  The arthritis is so bad in my knee that it is tearing the mensicus away which, in his words, is not bad because it will eventually wear a groove.  If he fixed it, then it would just tear more.

The outfit I wore for my ortho appointment
Top: Torrid
Skirt: Jessica London
Necklace: Cameo I put together
Fancy lady purse: Unique Vintage

He also said that I will almost certainly need knee replacement surgery in about 10-20 years.

I asked what I can do in the mean time for the pain which has been leaving me in tears way more than I'd like.  He said to take Tylenol Arthritis and Aleve (which I've been doing since this started in July with no relief).  He also gave me a steroid shot in my knee which, unbeknownst to me, made my knee hurt WAAAAAAY worse.  I bawled the entire way home from the pain.  A couple days, later, fortunately, there was marked improvement to the pain and mobility and it's been slowly feeling better.  He also gave me an anti-inflammatory medication which seems to be helping as well.

Random outfit from a few days later
Dress: Torrid
Leggings: New Look
Shoes: Hot Chocolate Design

He gave me sheets with knee exercises that I can start doing now that my knee feels a little better but it was a very frustrating experience.  I'm not sure how long the steroid shot is supposed to last but if/when I start to have issues again, I am going to ask to see a different doctor, I think.

I'm just glad that it's at least improved even if it hasn't improved 100%.

And just because I feel weird only having two pics (I prefer odd numbers), here is a picture of my rings. :)

Wore: Moment of bravery

As I've mentioned previously, I'm trying to get comfortable with wearing prints.  It's not easy for me but I'm trying.  Sometimes they say the best way to get over something is to throw yourself right into the heart of it.  So why not a full body print?

Dress: Torrid
Shrug: I don't remember, I've had it forever

I actually wore this and took pics a few weeks ago so I am still in my pained, sleep-deprived state here but hopefully the pic is too small for anyone else to notice. LOL

I actually really like this dress, probably because I was swathed in skulls all day.  Almost a dream come true!  It's a bit sheer, though, so I had to wear a tank top and shorts under it.  One thing I don't like about is the fact that it has spaghetti straps which are not flattering on girls built like me.

Edit: As I look over this post, I realize this dress is doing my body no favors.  LOL  Is it just me or do I look a lot heavier in this dress than I do in a lot of my other clothing?

But, in a rare moment of bravery, I decided to take a pic that shows my upper arms.  (*gasp*) (*shock*)

I am *VERY* self-conscious of my upper arms because of how they are largely disproportionate to my lower arms.  I mean, I *do* love my grandma wings on my biceps that I may or may not flap in the mirror after each shower but I don't necessarily like showing them off.

Since I was being brave with my arms, I decided this would a good opportunity to show the tattoos I have there as well.

I even reversed the mirror image so they'd be the right way in the pics. :)

This was done by 2 different artists.  The heart and skull in the middle was done by my ex-brother-in-law and was the 40th tattoo he'd ever done.  I had asked him for a skull and heart and he came up with the idea of a tattered patchwork heart because he'd heard about some of the bad things I'd gone through in my life but I still came out a warm, loving person.  Unfortunately, the ink he had was not that great so it faded poorly.  When I got the art supplies tattooed around the heart, the artist (Flaco from All Or Nothing) fixed the color but colored right over some of the shading, etc. without redoing it.  I need to get that touched up at some point.

I helped design this tattoo with an artist at Anchor's End Tattoo in Duluth, MN.  I can't remember his name which makes me sad because I remember the names of all my other artists. :(

I designed the SisteR which is my initial and my sister's initial intertwined.  The colors are our birthstone colors: purple/amethyst for February and green/emerald for May.  The artist came up with the art deco style scroll work then together we decided it also needed the colored dots.  My sister has this same one on her ankle.

Necklace: Wish

I wish I was brave/confident/comfortable enough to walk around in public in tank tops.  I do around the apartment all the time.  I even wear shorts and short dresses with no leggings at home as well.

What are your self-conscious areas and how do you deal with them?

Unrelated selfie from a different day - just because I was feeling cute. :)
Dress: Torrid

Shared: Wedding - Invitations

Just 75 days until the wedding... it's coming up so fast!  Fortunately, I don't have much left to do, especially since I finally finished my invitations.

Yep, our invitation is a taco!  LOL  If you take a peek back at our Save the Date card, there was a taco hint there, too. :)

I designed/drew these myself, had the pieces professionally printed on cardstock, then cut out all the moving parts.  That last part was kind of a bitch but thankfully we are only inviting about 40 people and only needed 19 invitations total.

I am so, so, so happy with the way the pieces fit together!  I was so scared that they wouldn't once they were printed.

The RSVP card is separate and we included the stamp separately with the words "Want a free stamp?" because we also have an online RSVP form as well.  Here's a screenshot of the RSVP card:

It's hard to to tell in the pics but the RSVP card is actually the same color and textured-design as the the "taco shell" of the invitation.  The "wild bears" are also an in-joke because we are using my Bearly Dreadfuls as centerpieces. :)  I doubt anyone will get it but it made me giggle.

The seals for the envelopes have the same textured-design as well.

I can't/shouldn't mail these out until the end of the month but I'm just happy that they are finally finished!

A very flattering shot  LOL

As you may have guessed, we are having tacos for our wedding dinner.  :)  We are having them catered by one of our favorite Mexican restaurants, Cielo Blue.

Shared: Claude, Groot, and a Photo Shoot

I still haven't had my orthopedist appointment for my knee and the pain seems to be getting worse.  When I am at home, I pretty much live on the sofa with my leg up and a pillow under my knee.  It's the only relief I can get at this point and even that's not 100% anymore.  I've spent the night sleeping like that way more than I (and Andy) would like.  Hopefully, it won't be for too much longer.

Sitting in the same spot and not being able to do what I want or should (without a lot of pain, that is), I find myself getting a little stir crazy.  Especially after I have read all the internet and played all the games.

So my favorite Bearly Dreadful I made named Claude van Dumm and his best friend Baby Groot entertained me with a photo shoot. :)

Here a few of my favorites.  I hope they at least make you smile. :)

Wore: Break-A-Leg

HI!!!

Hi!  So nice to see you!  How are you?  Glad to hear it!  Me?  Oh, I'm fine.  Thanks for asking.  No, really... I'm okay.  Yeah, my knee still really, really, really hurts but I'm trying to not be a whiner about it.  It's to the point where I just want to cry every time I have to walk more than 20 steps.  But, the good news is I *FINALLY* have an appointment with the orthopedist next week.  Yay!

Unfortunately, because I am spending a lot more time with my leg up, I am online shopping way more than I should be.  I can justify about 75% of the purchases, at least.  Like the bottles for the wedding mead Andy is making.  I also recently got this top from New Look while it was on super sale:

New Look

The mirror at work was super streaky so I couldn't get a full body shot, though.  I paired this with one of my long black skirts so you can probably imagine the rest. The mesh makes me feel super edgy and broody as you can see in the top picture.  LOL  I still feel kinda bad ass, though.  As bad ass as I can feel anyway.

Here's a more "serious" one.  ;)

It's SO serious that the shadow of my nose is pointing out my chin pimple quite nicely.

For date night last week, it was my turn to choose so I chose to go to Joe's Crab Shack.  I will spare my non-meat-eating friend any specific details (sorry, Goth Gardener!) but my meal came with this bib which made me laugh more than a sane, rational adult probably should have.  At least that was Andy's take on my giggles. :)

It also seemed apropos since my leg is gimpy.  I love that word.  Apropos.

Anyway...Do you partake in retail therapy?  If so, what's your go-to store, shop, or website?

Until later, sweet p'taters!

(Yes, I am overly-caffeinated right now  Why do you ask?  LOL)