Wore: Flowers in Her Hair...er, on Her Legs

I did it!  I did it!  I got another pair of printed leggings.  Yep, I'm going wild with this new found freedom.  LOL

Dress: Torrid
Leggings: Hot Topic
Shoes: Hot Chocolate Designs

I know... a whole three pairs now.  I'm livin' on the edge, wild child that I am. ;)

I will admit that these are not my favorites of the 3 but they are nice for a change from safe basic black.

Also with these, the bagginess around my ankles is a lot more noticeable.  I could down a size for them to fit my lower legs and my waist better but I'm scared that my hips and thighs won't fit if I do that.

You can't see the tops of the leggings.  They look like a wide screen version of the bottoms.  :)

I also dug out one of my favorite necklaces that doesn't get as much air time as the rest because it's dangerous.  LOL

 And it's reversible!

I can't remember where I got this because it was such a long time ago.  There are a lot of other versions of it online, though.

It's very light weight but the corners and edges are SHARP!  I even filed them down a bit when I first got it.

How does the saying go?  Beauty is pain?  Good thing I have masochistic tendencies.  Drinking super fizzy soda after eating Captain Crunch or really cold ice cream is my favorite. :D

I found out the hard way that wearing this for a night out with friends at a bar, either way, brings a lot of creepy unwanted attention.  My response is usually a blush-filled "I have to go over there now."  Sadly, I'm usually not the quickest when it comes to picking up double-entendres and innuendos except for the ones that a 12-year-old would giggle at.

Do you have any favorite accessories that you don't wear as often as you'd like?  What's your reason?

Wore: She Wore Black Velvet

When I was a little girl, I always wanted a red velvet dress with a big puffy white bottom to wear for the holidays.  Mom, of course, always nixed the idea because we had cats and dogs and the upkeep for velvet clothing was a bugger.

Source

There have been a number of times in my adult years where I have talked myself out velvety goodness because 1) they'd be too warm, 2) I have cats, 3) the exceeded a price my frugal nature was comfortable with.

Then, one day in my online window shopping travels, I came across a black velvet dress that was in my size, had short sleeves, AND was on super sale.  It took me a few months to get up the courage to wear it after I got it because I was scared of attracting lint plus I had no idea how warm it might actually be.

Oh, no!!! I lost an arm!!!
Dress: Hot Topic online
Leggings: New Look

It's not the most flattering cut on me and doesn't drape as well as other fabrics I wear but I still felt decadent.  :)  I was also worried that the back would be too revealing but it worked out okay.  I just had to make sure my bra straps were pushed down my shoulders slightly.

Oh, the scandal of bare back skin! ;-)

I didn't know when I ordered the dress, though, that it had a wonderful subtle design!

One of the reasons I decided to buck up and wear the dress is because I got a new pair of shoes from Hot Chocolate Design that also have a velvety finish.

You can really see the way my feet curve in this pic!

I really had to think hard about these shoes.  I love the overall design and the silhouette on the left shoe.  And bow makes my inner 3-year-old princess swoon.   But I was worried that the cross would be sacrilegious or offensive to Christians in some way, especially since I am not Christian myself.   I am still a little iffy on that so would love to hear feedback in that regard.  As a Pagan, I don't get offended by non-Pagans wearing pentagrams, etc. based on the design aesthetics so I'd like to think it's the same in the opposite direction?

Anyway, I also decided to dig out one of my retired necklaces to wear with this.  I can't get a good pic of it, unfortunately, because of how shiny it is.

Necklace: Cute and Creepy Inc
Unfortunately, she no longer makes necklaces :(

The image looks like a Victorian death photo that's been doctored to look like a vampire.  I don't wear it very often because the back leaves a big green square on my skin, even after sealing it with clear nail polish, but sometimes it's just worth it. :)

Thought: Body Image and Rudeness

Have you ever had one of those days where you wake up feeling good?  And your outfit works out as well as your hair, make up, etc. so you leave the house feeling like you can conquer the world?  Then one person says something stupid and it all comes crashing down?

Another foray into prints!
Batty bat leggings: Hot Topic
Dress: SWAK Designs
Shoes: Hot Chocolate Designs
Bag: Amazon

That happened to me at work last week.  I was at a networking event and on my way out, some girl I've never seen before came up to me and said, "Hi!  Excuse me but have you ever considered gastric bypass surgery?"

Now, this is actually not the first time this has happened to me AT WORK so I actually had a response prepared.

"Have you ever considered having plastic surgery?"

Her response was an offended "Um, no!"

So I said "Oh, I'm sorry.  I thought we were playing a game of Rude Questions Asked to Strangers."

And I walked away.

I know some people think they are being helpful by asking such a rude question but that's just not something you should say to someone you don't know.  And it's happened to me a total of 3 times at work by strangers as well as twice by people I did know at work.  Not well enough for such a personal question, mind you.  It's also happened to me once outside of work by a stranger and once by my ex-sister-in-law just out of the blue when we were talking about something not-weight-related.  My response to her was "First, fuck you.  Second, fuck you.  And three, fuck you in the ear with your rudeness."  I can't shouldn't say that to people at work, of course.

The rudeness aside, that question makes me feel bad about myself because, in my head, I'm so large that strangers feel the need to fix me.  So I work to put a different perspective on it and concentrate more on the audacity of others and less on myself.

Since leaving high school, the only time I've ever felt bad about my weight is when I let other people make me think I should feel bad about it.  And the silliest part of that is there is only one 3-letter word that will ever bring me to tears when it comes to my body image:  moo.  Yep, moo at me like I'm a cow and it will make me cry.  Call me fat or anything else, I deal with it.  I *am* fat.  But the issues that I have with my body at my current size are the same issues I had with my body when I was younger: my large upper arms, my large thighs, my misshapen legs and feet.

But I am not unhappy in my skin.  My body and my shape do not define who I am as a person nor do they dictate what sort of person I am.

At one point in my life, I did look into gastric bypass surgery just see what it was all about.  I found out pretty quickly that even if I was interested, I would not be a candidate because of my eating disorder.  My binge eating is something that I am extremely embarrassed about and something I rarely tell people about.  I have it more or less under control most of the time and there are days where I tell Andy "I've had a bad day and I want to binge.  So I am going to.  This is what I am going to eat.  Then I will be done."  I allow it to happen but I try to take control of it.  That has helped a lot and kept me from being twice the size I am.

A few years ago, there used to be an adult-only camping event that was clothing optional and sexually free. While I am considered the modest prude in my group of friends, I used to go every year and would force myself to do things outside my comfort zone. The first year, I went topless. In front of people. It was terrifying yet freeing at the same time. The next year, I took part in a group shower. The next year, the naked slip and slide (so much fun!).  It was nothing to be walking from one area to the next and hearing/seeing all sorts of devious acts but that's not why I went. I wanted to be more comfortable with me and this was a safe space to push my own limits.

How's this for a brave picture to post on the internet?  LOL
This was also at my absolute heaviest I've ever been.
At the adult-only camping event, I was wrapped to a tree with cellophane then
accosted with water guns and super soakers until I was able to get free. :)

One of the things that helped is most of the women who went were plus sized and very few of the men were slim as well.  If anyone said anything derogatory about someone else's appearance, they were put in their place by anyone else who heard them. You don't like the way the sun shines off someone's glaring white ass? Then look at something else.

I found myself being approached by other women at the event, especially women closer to my size, and complimented for my confidence which completely surprised me.  I don't consider myself a confident person at all.  I just force my limits so I can experience as much of life as possible.

That's actually one of the reasons I post outfits each week. I know my fashion sense is nothing remarkable but my outfits make me feel cute and I force myself outside that comfort zone for strangers to see.

I think I'm at a rave in my head here.
That happens more often than you'd think. :)

Since I've started dressing the way I want to, I'm finding that I get way more compliments from strangers than I would have ever dreamed. And every time it happens, I blissfully blush and say "Thank you! " Compliments used to be very hard to take but someone I once dated made me realize that I was insulting the compliment giver whenever I'd point out why I felt their words were not right.

"You look really nice today, Sarrah!"
"No... this dress it way to tight across my hips."
"Oh. So you think I'm a liar?"

Point taken.

And since strangers have little to gain by giving kind words, I feel validated for having my outside match my inside. Well, that's not literally true, obviously, because I don't wear meat, blood and bones in public. Usually.  Lol

So, to sum up, the "gastric bypass girl" can go suck it because I am awesome. :)

Wore: Bats in the Shadows

You've probably noticed this already but if you haven't, I'll point it out: I don't really like to wear prints.  I love prints on other people but I feel so completely out of my element when I wear them myself so the few print items I have are usually delegated to lounge clothes for home only.

I'm trying very hard to get over that.

This is one of my baby steps into the world of graphic prints in public:

Leggings: Hot Topic online
Shoes: Hot Chocolate Designs

This was also my test to see if the plus size leggings on HotTopic.com would actually fit me.  And they do!  Yay!

I know a lot of people aren't fans of Hot Topic and I completely get it.  I rarely step foot inside the store unless I have to go to the mall for some other reason (though I try to avoid that as much as I can).   Online, though, it's a good source for skully clothes in my size. :)

I've worn these a few times now with various dresses and they are starting to grow on me.

Dress: New Look

I also get compliments from strangers whenever I wear them so that helps!  I love getting compliments from Andy, friends, coworkers,etc. but when someone I don't know feels the need to to say something, it just makes my day even more.  

I think I will have to start paying attention to other prints now.  :)

I tried to get a pic of my necklace but no matter what I did, it was cast in a shadow.

Necklace: Wish

I adore Peter Pan collars and this necklace has that feel.  When I got it, there was just a single ring between the 2 halves so the black gemstone would flip up and down when I moved.  That was a bit annoying so I added 2 more rings and put the gem on the center.  Problem solved!  I also had to add a 3" extender to accommodate my larger neck. That's usually a given for me, though, no matter what weight I am.

Selfies always make my nose look bigger.  LOL

How do you feel about prints?  Love 'em?  Hate 'em?

Wore: On Wednesdays, We Wear Pink

"Mean Girls" is one of my guilty pleasure movies.  It's not a "good" movie by any means but it's entertaining.  It also makes me laugh at High School Me because of how hard I tried to fit in to stop from being teased so badly.  The "mean girls" in my school were nowhere to that level but I grew up in a small town in Northern Minnesota.  My graduating class only had 74 kids so it was harder to get away that sort of behavior.  Unfortunately, it made it harder to hide to avoid the tamed down version of that sort of behavior, too.

My favorite line from that movie was "On Wednesdays, we wear pink" so imagine my glee when "American Horror Story: Coven" adapted it to "On Wednesdays, we wear black."  :)  

Source

With the exception of the black nylon knee socks, I'd wear any one of those outfits though I don't think I could pull off the on on the left.  I'm not that chic. 

I love hats.  I really should wear hats more often.  

Anyway, when I got dressed this morning, I realized I was doing a mash up of both.  And since it is Wednesday, I tried to pull off a "mean girl" face.  Nailed it?  LOL

This is one of MANY attempts:

Shrug: I've had it for so long, I don't remember
Dress: New Look
Leggings: Torrid
Shoes: Hot Chocolate Designs (I told you they were my favorites)

Being mean is just not in my nature.  Gleefully sadistic? Sure!  Happily macabre?  You got it!  Morbidly cute?  It's my state of being.  But mean?  No clue.   My phone was nice and made them all my attempts into an animation for me. :)

I forgot to take a "normal" pic, though.  Oops!  

I got my pink nerd robot necklace at the gift shop at the base of the Incline Railway at Lookout Mountain in Chattanooga, TN a while back when my ex and I used to go on road trips.  He doesn't get worn as much as he used to (since I discovered Wish and have a lot of jewelry to choose from now) but he's still one of my favorites. 

I am really looking forward to the 7th season of American Horror Story.  We don't have cable, though, just internet so we'll either need to wait until the whole season comes out or find another way to watch it.  I may even open up my coin purse and pay for it if I get desperate enough.  :)

Wore: It's ME!

My knee is getting worse, to the point where driving almost brings me to tears and it wakes me up at night.  Unfortunately, I can't get in to see an orthopedist for over 3 weeks.  But because I am not sleeping well, I am drinking a lot more caffeine during the day.

Caffeine (and sugar) affect me the way it would a 5-year-old.  When I pick Andy up from work, he can tell when I've had more than usual (or if someone had cake or donuts at work that day).  I think this pic sort of illustrates this:

Dress: SWAK Design
Leggings: New Look
Shoes: Hot Chocolate Designs
Necklaces: gifts from Andy

This was the only picture I took where I wasn't blurry.  LOL

Here's a close up of my beloved Nightmare Before Christmas necklaces that Andy got me for Yule:

The bottom one is actually 2 halves that are meant to be BFF necklaces but I put them together on one long chain instead.  I almost always wear the 2 necklaces together.  I've read that some people think Nightmare Before Christmas is overrated and overdone but I don't care.  It's still one of my favorite movies. :)

Because of the knee pain being overwhelming, we've been using a free trial of Fresh Cart on Amazon Prime to have groceries delivered to us which has been SO NICE!  They don't have everything we need so Andy still has to run in to get a few of his essentials but it's better than putting the whole grocery trip on him while I sit out in the minivan.

We also got really behind on laundry since we don't have a washer/dryer in our apartment.  We decided that we could afford to use a laundry service to get caught up so I found a good one that also had free pick up.  And it really was free.  Most other places I looked at charged more per pound to cover their "free" service.  Pfft.  I can math!

It felt weird sending my clothes out with some stranger.  Especially because it was such a large chunk of my wardrobe.  What if they ruined it?  What if they stole it?  What if it ended up on the black market??  Andy told me to calm my imagination down.  :)  

We had them pick up the clothes on Thursday afternoon (Andy's day off) and drop them back off Saturday when we were home.  All the clothes came back and they were folded so nicely.  Even my bras and underwear.  I never fold my undergarments.

Sidia wasted no time and jumped on everything as soon as we laid it on the bed.  Every time I open a drawer, I am still amazed at how neatly everything is folded.  All the things that are different sizes are folded to be the same size and quite compact without folds or wrinkles.  I'm really not sure how they did that!  It just showed me how much I am lacking when it comes to domestic skills. :)

Just so he doesn't get jealous, here's a picture of Rustle in a rare moment of stillness.  (That's why his name is a verb and not a noun.)

Lastly, Andy bought me a Baby Groot doll who has quickly become best friends with Claude van Dumm.  They are pretty much inseparable at this point.  Their conversations crack me up, though!  They basically go like this:

(*singing*) "My name is Claude van Dumm Dumm Dumm!"

"I am Groot!"

"My name is Claude"

"I am Groot?"

(*singing*)  "van Dumm Dumm Dumm!"

"I am Groot."

"And my name is Claude."

"I am... Groot."

"Your name is Groot?"

"I am Groot!"

(*singing*) "My name is Claude van Dumm Dumm Dumm!"

"I am Groot."

(*singing*) "Van Groot Groot Groot!"

Shared: Wedding - My Dress

I had an MRI yesterday for my knee and, honestly, I am regretting it today.  The MRI itself wasn't bad but I had to lay on my back with my leg in a very uncomfortable position for over an hour.  I couldn't move it at all and I was reduced to tears more than once due to the pain and my whole body hurts today because of it.  Right now, my knee is hovering at about 7 on the pain scale.

My appointment with an orthopedist isn't until the end of the month so I have to deal with this pain for another 4 weeks.

(*sigh*)

So, instead of wallowing in my misery, I want to share my wedding dress.  Yay!  :D

When Andy and I first talked about getting married, I told him I wanted a black corset with a black floor length tutu that had enough tulle to knock over a small child.  He said he wasn't a fan of his bride wearing all black to the wedding and, while that is my typical color palette, I could respect that.  So I changed it to a dark red corset. :)

Because of my size and shape, I knew from experience that I'd likely have to get one custom made so I started pricing them.  Unfortunately, the corset alone was turning out to be more than my $400 budget (I'm a frugal bargain hunter LOL) unless I wanted a leather one (which I didn't).  So after A LOT of online browsing finally settled on this:

from Kiyonna

The fit on me is a little different with the bottom of the dress being less fitted.  I got it at 40% off so the dress was only $113.  I liked the dress okay and tried as I might to love it, I just didn't.  It wasn't what I wanted and it felt so matronly to me.  But I was going to make it work.

Andy was trying to convince me that I should just get what I wanted since it's our wedding day but I just couldn't justify in my mind spending that kind of money on something that I will probably wear up to 3 times in my life.

Then the Wedding Dress Gods smiled upon me.  During lunch one day, I did a Google search for plus size goth clothes so I could do some window shopping and was directed to a post on The Everyday Goth which is a blog I've lurked followed for quite a while.  But since I wasn't in the market for clothes at that time, I forgot she had made this post.

One of the stores she listed was Corset Story.  I didn't have high hopes based on experience with other corset shops online but I found this:

from Corset Story

Not only did it claim to be in a size to fit me, it was also surprisingly inexpensive at just $159 plus $6.50 for shipping.  After checking out their return policy, I decided it was worth a shot and gave it an order.  I tried very hard to not get my hopes up.  I tired and I tried and I tried.  When I got it... it fit perfectly!  Thankfully, Andy knows how to lace up a corset. :)

Then a few days later, I lucked out again during some normal window shopping and found this skirt on Amazon Prime for just $42. :)

from Amazon (comes in a lot of different colors and sizes)

It's not enough tulle to knock over a small child but with the natural padding on my hips and butt, you can't tell.

Since the corset leaves me feeling a bit exposed, I picked up a lace body suit from Torrid for about $36 to wear under it:

from Torrid

I'm not going to count the shipping fee from Torrid because I ordered a few other things from there as well.  Even if you include the dress from Kiyonna that I'm NOT wearing for the wedding, I only spent $356 which is still under my initial $400 budget. :) I will likely change into the "backup dress" during the reception or later in the night when I can't handle being bound up in the corset anymore.

Oh, the shoes!  I don't have them yet but I am going to get these from Hot Chocolate Designs.  I know the red doesn't match the corset but they will be mostly hidden anyway.  Plus, it's a good excuse to add them to my small footwear rotation. ;)

from Hot Chocolate Designs on Amazon

For jewelry and accessories, I am not 100% sure what I will be wearing yet.  I like to have options since my mood changes from one to the next so I have about 3 headpieces, 3 necklaces, and 2 pairs of earrings that I will decide between the day of the wedding.  I already own most of them and only picked up 2 of the head pieces and 1 of the necklaces to add to the option list.  All 3 are from Wish so I only spent about $10 with shipping.  I also have 3 pairs of fancy black lace long fingerless gloves coming from Wish as well.  So maybe $20 total spent on accessories.

All in all, I think I did pretty well with my choices and was able to get what I really wanted.  Yay! :D

Wore: Black Cats

Someday, when I grow up to be big and strong, I want to be a crazy lady.  If I didn't let practicality get in the way, I would have way more than the 2 I have currently.  I'm not to the point where I want everything I own to be covered with cat prints but I can't see a cat anywhere without declaring "You're a kitty!" and trying to pet it.

I do, however, own a few cat-related pieces of jewelry which I know will make an appearance here over time.  Like these cat collar pins that I got from a defunct subscription box service (that also took money from me and never shipped boxes).

It was the first subscription box ever joined and I was really excited.  For $23 a month, they would send about 6 gothy-type things.  I paid in October and got my November box halfway through December.  I paid in November and my December box never arrived.  They said they were waiting for something that was back ordered.  I paid in December and got my January box at the end of February after I complained.  Meanwhile, the auto payment had already paid in February for March.  After the March payment hit with no sign of a February box (or December box yet), I canceled my subscription.  I wrote to them about 3 boxes that I had paid for but never received but the site was more or less down.  It's just $69 total so I can't see wasting time and more money to go after them.  It's really very disappointing.

I can't help but make faces in the mirror!
Dress: Hot Topic online
Leggings: New Look
Shoes: Hot Chocolate Designs
Bracelet: a bit of cut up t-shirt hem from a DIY over the weekend

I did get a couple of cool things out of the 2 boxes I did receive, though, like the pins which I think look good on my black dress with the white collar.  The pin backs are too centered, however, so the top heavy kitty heads have a tendency to spin.  I always forget about fixing that until I am wearing the dress again.

On this particular day, I also opted to wear a headband.  I don't usually wear hair accessories because I have a headset at work but this one seemed to complete the look:

Headband: Wish

Sorry for the complete lack of make up!  With it being so hot out right now, I tend to go completely without because my face melts off.  The make up thing is actually a little funny because I did end up joining another subscription service: Ipsy.  I know A LOT of people who belong to this and I love, love, love it... especially the make up bags themselves. :)

Do you belong to any fun subscription services?

Wore: Hip Bone's Connected To My Neck Bone

Obviously *MY* hips are not bony.  Although, if you press hard enough through my Pillsbury Dough Boy exterior hard enough, you might feel my bones. :)  I'm squishy! :D

Necklace: Wish

The chain on this is a skosh longer than I would like but I don't know yet if I want to shorten it at all... even after all the times I've worn it.  I do love that this cameo does more than just the rib cage and includes the pelvis, though.  It's a nice break from a "traditional" rib cage cameo.

Does anyone else have a "Grease" flashback when they hear the word "pelvis"?

Elvis!  Elvis!  Can it be?  Keep that pelvis faaaar from me!
Elvis Shrine in the entrance of Chuy's in Atlanta

I wore my hip bones with a new dress that I got from Torrid recently.  I love the fabric and I love the way it enhances my boobages but I'm not sure if I like the way it fits me below that.  I feel like it clings to my stomach too much but that could also just be the way that blasted overhead light in the restroom is hitting my body.

Dress: Torrid
Leggings: Torrid
Shoes: Hot Chocolate Designs

I felt cute when I left the apartment this morning but hair went super wonky on me (hence my headlessness), my eyeliner attempt makes me look like Hatchet Face and the dress feels awkward.  I kinda wish I could go home and change, to be frank.

What do you think?  Is this awkward or am I just feeling uneasy in my skin today?  Does that ever happen to you?

Wore: You can see my bones!

It's not unusual for my friends to say "I saw <insert something skull related here> and thought of you!"  I do love skulls.  A lot!  So much so that I was mentioned on Skull-A-Day way back in the before time!  I no longer maintain the website mentioned in the blurb but I still own it, just in case. :)

I am not just a skull lover, though.  I also love other bony parts (giggity?) and all things anatomical (giggity giggity goo?).  As an example, anatomical hearts and rib cages are a more recent obsession for me.  Off the top of my head, I can think of 5 heart necklaces, 3 rib cage necklaces, and 2 rib cage shirts that I own.

This is one that I wore recently:

Necklace: Wish

It bothers the nerd in me that the heart is on the outside of the rib cage but I get over it pretty easily. :)

On the day I took this picture, I wore it with the other 1 of my 2 basic looks: short black dress with black leggings.  And when I say short, I mean short for me.  Even with leggings, I still don't go much above the knee.  :)  I do not like having my legs exposed at all because of how misshapen and discolored they are.  When I discovered how comfortable leggings are, it pretty much changed my fashion sense because LBDs were now a possibility!

(*holds up one hand and places other hand over heart*)  I, Sarrah Settarra, promise to never wear leggings as pants.  Amen.

Dress: Torrid
Leggings: Torrid
Shoes: Hot Chocolate Designs

The lighting in the restroom at work casts a weird shadow over my face but it's the only place I can stand to get a full body shot.  I feel like I should be telling ghost stories to kids at camp!

These shoes are my mostest absolute favoritest!  I got them over on Amazon and they are a bit spendy indeed but they were worth it for my cloven hooves.  I was born missing a phalange in each foot so they curve weird, making my feet wide but with narrow heels.  That makes it really difficult for me to buy shoes but these are soft and curve with my feet.  I just had to add heel grips to the back and they were perfect!

Hot Chocolate Designs on Amazon

When I got these in the mail, I couldn't wait to try them on but I was trying very hard to not get my hopes up.  When I was able to buckle them and walk without them hurting, I cried.  I've not been able to wear cute shoes for most of my adult life.  It's so weird to get complimented on my shoes now, too.  That's never happened to me before because my shoes were... well... utilitarian up until now.

I do already have another pair from this shop that you'll see soon and will be ordering a pair for with my wedding dress.  If I could afford it, I wold order way more pairs than I really need. :)