Wore: Mmm... Ribs

As the wedding grows near (108 days away, if you are curious), I am:
     Super excited - I am literally marrying my best friend
     A little nervous - this isn't a first marriage for either of us
     Kind of anxious - I am mostly done with my DIY stuff but I still get a panicky when I think of what's left to do
     Super excited - both our families are going to be in GA for the wedding weekend
     A little nervous - this will be the first time both sides will meet each other
     A little sad - I keep thinking about the people who have passed who won't be here to share in the day

Specifically, I keep thinking about Andy's favorite cousin who was like a brother to him, my favorite uncle, and especially my Gramma.

At age 38, she was pregnant with my Mom in this picture... look at those cheekbones!

I always had an especially close relationship with my Gramma, often spending the night at her apartment.  She taught me to sew, cook, play poker and black jack.  She taught me that it was okay to be myself even when others made of fun of me (though that lesson took a long time for me to learn).

She always had a cigarette hanging from her lips, especially while she was crocheting and watching her soap operas.  One of my earliest memories of her was in her brother's garden.  He would let his family take home whatever they wanted as long as they helped weed.  I remember my Gramma wearing a shimmering silver blouse, black slacks, and silver sandals while gardening... with her signature Pall Mall dangling from her red painted lips.

My Gramma was a walking dichotomy.  :)

She had a brain aneurysm the day after my 15th birthday but miraculously survived.  (She was always a tough broad.)  She had brain damage which caused a lot of psychological issues and she had to be in an assisted living home followed by a nursing home before she passed away 12 years after the aneurysm that would have killed most people.

Her birthday is in April and I still celebrate it every year by making one of her signature meals.  Most often, it's her barbecued spare ribs but roast or fried chicken and pound cake are my go-to's as well.

Dancing to some random song in my head

Dress: Torrid
Leggings: New Look
Shoes: Hot Chocolate Designs

I think she would have heartily disapproved of my pink hair at first but would have come to love it because she considered me her kid instead of her grandkid.  She didn't seem to care that I wore mostly black because she had a lot of black in her own wardrobe.  I don't know how she would have felt about the tattoos but she loved all my earrings.

She would have LOVED this dress, though, because of all the sparkles.  My Gramma LOVED sparkly clothes and jewelry.

It's hard to see but there are a ot of little sequins mixed in with the beads.

I often think she still comes to visit me, especially when I need her.  I will suddenly smell cigarette smoke in a place where it shouldn't be.  Like when I lived in my house with my ex-husband.  We're non-smokers and were far from the road, plus we didn't allow smoking in the house.  So when I smelled it, I knew it was her.  When I am especially sad or depressed, I will feel a hand on my right shoulder followed by a little squeeze.  That's something she used to do when overseeing me sew, etc.

So while she will not be physically with us for the wedding, I know Gramma will still be there.  I am her kid after all and I know she wouldn't miss it for the world..

Necklace: Cute and Creepy Inc